Stand Up
by MuEtte09
Summary: S8 FINALE SPOILERS. After the angels fell to earth Castiel is left to dwell with the crushing guilt of his actions. Sam talks with him to try and break him out of the hate he has for himself. (No slash)


It had been one month since everything had changed. The gates of hell remained open, the Winchesters were getting back on  
their feet, and all angels were expelled from heaven. Castiel had made his way back to the Men of Letters' bunker. It took him three days and help from kind strangers, but he somehow always managed to get back to Sam and Dean.

Upon arriving, he found out that Kevin had left the bunker; angry that the Winchesters hadn't completed the trials after all of his sacrifice. Dean tried to convince him to stay with them since he had nowhere else to go, but Kevin preferred distance from the people he felt betrayed him.

Dean didn't speak much after everything happened. He was still taking care of Sam who was slowly getting better. He'd shown Castiel to one of the vacant rooms, gave him some blankets and told him to let him know if he needed anything. Castiel spent all his time is his room, in bed. Sometimes eating when Dean brought him food and mentioned how skinny he was getting. He didn't bother bathing or sleeping. He could barely sleep without experiencing terrible nightmares anyway.

Today, was the worst day. He hadn't eaten in a week and he was starting to hallucinate from lack of sleep. That's when Dean  
couldn't take it anymore and finally spoke up.

"Cas, this is getting out of control" he said, "you're human now and you have to start taking care of yourself. You look like a homeless person!"

Castiel just stared at the floor for a while and avoided Dean's gaze. "I am homeless" he said in a low soft voice

Dean took a deep breath and sat beside him, the motion being apparently too sudden, as he flinched reflexively.  
"Listen," Dean started "no one understands better than I do that this whole thing is the mother of all messes, and we could spend an eternity arguing whose fault it really is, but you need to snap out of it, buddy"

Castiel slowly lifted his gaze to meet Dean's, finally seeing how worn out the man he had rescued from hell seemed. His eyes were red-rimmed and his complexion paler than usual, he even seemed to slouch a little more, but there was something in his eyes that seemed bright and determined. Purpose, maybe.

"Sam is getting better, Garth and I are monitoring all available hunters to help the angels, and I could really use your help, because as soon as Sammy's vertical I know he'll want to go and try to fix everyone and everything because that's just how he is

"So how about you take a shower, have some food and a few hours of sleep and then tomorrow you and Sam can find what to do with all the angels we've been rescuing?" Dean smiled briefly, awaiting his response.

Castiel turned away from Dean and lowered his head.  
"Dean... I-I'm sorry, but I can't"

Dean's smile fell, disappointment clearly shown on his face.  
"You know what Cas, just forget about it. Lay all day in bed if you want, I'm gonna go check up on Sam and try to clean up this mess" Dean stood up from the bed and walked toward the door, he shook his head and closed the door leaving Castiel alone again in his room.

* * *

A knock on the door awoke Castiel from a nightmare.

"Cas?" a voice spoke and the door opened slightly, allowing him to see Sam's tired face slowly making his way inside.

"Hey" Sam said, "were you sleeping?"

He shook his head slightly and looked at Sam. He looked better than when he was doing the trials. He still looked sick and his hair was a little longer, but he wasn't coughing anymore. Castiel noticed a book in his hands

"I brought you this," he offered "it's a book about Bees. Dean's making lunch"

"Thank you, Sam" Castiel said and placed the book on the table beside his bed. Sam nodded and turned to leave, but stopped halfway and after a second turned toward the blue-eyed man.

"Cas, you know that this isn't your fault, right?" he said. Castiel turned away from Sam, guilt overcoming him completely.

"I mean it" Sam said, sitting across from the fallen angel, never letting him out of his gaze. "I failed my family, Sam" Castiel uttered softly, "Their demise falls on my shoulders. I am to blame for all this"

"Well, they're not dead. I mean, Garth updates us regularly and most of them are doing OK, and again, not your fault. Metatron used you for his own selfish means"

Castiel frowned deeply. "That is all I'm good for," he stated grimly "being used." Sam frowned and concern reached his eyes. "What do you mean?"

Castiel chuckled darkly, "God, angels, Crowley, Naomi and now Metatron" he explained "I've been theirs to control and manipulate for their means, and I did it all thinking I was doing the right thing. I've _killed_ people, destroyed lives. I betrayed my brothers and sisters, and for what? What have I got to show for it?"

"Cas, you can't blame yourself for what Metatron did!" Sam exclaimed

"I have dispelled every single angel from heaven, from our home. It was _my_ grace that Metatron used to complete that spell"

"Maybe you can't get to heaven right now, but that wasn't your home Cas. That wasn't your family. Not really" Sam explained, attempting to calm him down.

"Do you know how many times I've screwed up? I've abandoned Dean and put others and myself over him so many times! _I let Lucifer out of hell!_ And you know what? After all of that, after all the bad stuff that I've done, Dean _still_ forgave me! And I didn't get it, not until now, but that's what family is! They're the people who care for you unconditionally, who forgive you no matter how many times you screw up, who would rather condemn themselves before seeing you in pain. And Cas, I forgive you, and he may not say it out loud, but Dean forgives you too. We're your family Cas, you are home."

Castiel looked up and let out a shaky breath, tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

"I'm not going to lie, it's not gonna be easy, but we can do it. I don't know how, but we'll help all the angels, and find a way to get to Metatron. We'll fix this because that's what we do. You're a Winchester now, Cas. So let's keep the family business going"

Castiel smiled and a single tear rolled down is cheek. He quickly wiped it away and nodded earning a true smile from Sam.

Sam stood up, his legs still a little shaky, and placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "You're gonna be fine Cas" he said "we'll make sure of it"

Then, Castiel felt something different, something he'd never felt before, not completely, and it had come from a man he'd once cursed to horrible memories of pain and torture in hell. It was forgiveness, and it was the most pure act Castiel had ever experienced.

"Thank you, Sam" Castiel replied, letting himself be forgiven

"Are you guys done sharing and caring? Food's getting cold" Dean's voice was heard from across the room. Sam rolled his eyes at Dean and sighed. "Come on, I made bacon burgers!" Dean said, a genuine smile forming quickly.

"One thing, though" Sam looked at Castiel seriously, "you need to take a shower, like right now. You stink, dude"

Sam chuckled and Castiel scratched his face where a beard had started to grow.  
"I'm hungry, though"

"Yeah, you should still shower first" Sam smiled and Castiel stood up from his bed and smiled back.  
"Don't take too long though, and don't forget to shave!" Dean said walking out of the room.

"I'll do my best to be brief. After all," Castiel said to Sam, a determined look on his face, "**We've got work to do**."


End file.
